Fate／Ensis Illumina
by CG-3m1y4
Summary: He was a man of his word. To reach the everdistant utopia, he was ready to sacrifice everything he had, including his life. But Fate said otherwise. He still had the chance to start again, even if it was from different point. A boy who lost his identity, and a girl with mysterious origin. When they finally meet each other, the gears would start turning again...


Disclaimer:

**Fate/stay night** is copyright of **TYPE-MOON **and **Luminous Arc / Luminous Arc 2:** **Will **is copyright of **imageepoch & Marvelous Interactive Inc.** This is only a FAN FICTION, for God's sake! I wish I own the series and companies mentioned, but alas, this poor man could only write indies...

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

It's a definite end.

A heavy, dark, sensation wriggled at the center of his body. It had stuck to the walls of his heart, stagnant and putrid. The nerves strained, the breaths ragged. His body wouldn't be able to last much longer.

He looked at the lifeless bodies scattered around his bloody figure. He stared at the ground in front of him, his tears soiling the blood-soaked ground. The smell of death filled his nostrils.

He had failed them all. The elder girl who hide her emotions to uphold his family's tradition, and the younger girl who became insane from her life full of tortures. While both women trying to kill each other and intervened by the man, the elder girl dead to protect him from her sister attacks. In retrospect, he also killed the corrupted younger girl, after taking many of the attacks without fighting back, been hurting repeatedly, desperately begging her to stop.

He killed the little sister not because he gave up on convincing her, but because she pleaded him with teary eyes to make him kill her. And even as he sobbing out loudly as the long red spear pierced her heart, the girl was smiling. Smiling happily just like the elder sister protecting him before her death.

The emotion he had build all along died in the instant, leaving only a body with empty soul. Slowly, his body trembling and shaking, he stood up. Then he looked upwards.

In front of him, stood tall was a tower with swirling black hole on top of it. Sign of the end of the world. It sucked all the souls of living beings around the area without mercy. The leylines were colored with black and red, and the black hole grown bigger and bigger as it gained more energy, replenished enough to perform its main purpose.

The once pure, colorless object was tainted by a small poison that mixed into it. With its function had been twisted to the very core, it was nothing more than a device of endless slaughter.

If he couldn't stop this entire devastation in time, many more lives would be lost. Hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions. Just like that day, twenty years ago. Innocent people will die without knowing the meaning of their death.

So there's only one thing he had to do. One final thing he must do before he put his blade down to rest. If he ever tried to do it, all the parts that kept him survive up until now will broke into pieces.

But does he care?

_I am the bone of my sword._

He started the chant of his journey full of swords and battles.

_Steel is my body, and fire is my blood._

There's something growing inside of him.

_I have created a thousand blades._

A world, filled out with endless weapons.

_Unaware of loss,_

He reached where no man can reach,

_nor aware of gain._

he exceeded all limits of the body,

_Withstood pain to create weapons,_

and reached the infinity people called 'soul',

_waiting for one's arrival_

to sought a miracle and make it reality,

_I have no regrets, this is the only path_

to save everyone,

_My whole life was..._

an impossible ideal,

**_Unlimited Blade Works_**

an everdistant utopia.

...

Contrary to the real purpose of his chant, his world didn't change at all.

There're no gears, no smokes, no twilights, not even _swords_ stucked all around him. His scenery remained the same.

But in his raised arms, there was a single large sword instead.

The seal had finally been released. The wind roared as a blade of golden light revealed to the world. Embodiment of humanity's hopes and dreams, finally gathered in his hands.

It hurts.

_It hurts. _

IT HURTS.

"**EX –**

His heart stopped, his brain already dead. There's no longer anything resembling power in his figure. All the Circuits had burned and disconnected.

But the body... still moved.

**– CALIBUR**!"

A wave of light emitting from the tip of the sword and slashing the reality itself. A blaze of glory and radiance. The force of destruction that surging forward, cutting anything in its path.

_"Let me carry it for you. Your dream."_

The last voice that ever came out from his mouth was a simple apology. Atonement for his sin.

"I'm sorry, everyone..."

In the end, he couldn't keep the promise no matter how hard he tried.

Then the world erupted in a brilliant white.

**...**

Darkness slowly blanketed his eyes. He couldn't see anything. He couldn't hear anything. There's only static on his vision, and loud buzz replaced the noise.

Law of equal exchange. At the cost of miracle, he bet his entire life for it. And now the payment was already settled.

He was in the middle of the deep pitch darkness. There's nothing that could save him anymore. One by one, the overflowing images were erased from his fragile mind. His existence slowly fade in this time and space.

Yet he still chased the light in the end of his path.

The only memory permitted at the man...

was a hill consisted of endless blue sky and stars that he once saw.

**=[xxx]=**

...

...

...

My mind wakes up. I squint my eyes lightly. Brightness entering my eyes when I woke up, and I'm not used to it.

"Huh?"

When my eyes focus, I'm surprised. I'm lying on an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room. Still rubbing my eyes for a bit, with slightly turning my head I observe my surroundings carefully. A rather medium-size room. A nicely decorated room I must say, judging from white ceiling, white walls and open window with bright-colored curtain beside my bed, plus there's a table with flower vase on top of it.

I raise both my hands to look at them, and I realize that I was wearing an oversized white shirt with sleeves longer than my arm, bandages covering nearly all my body behind the clothes. Feeling confused, I slowly slide off the bed, but the instant my foot touch the wooden floor, my legs simply don't have enough strength at the moment, force me into a sitting position. I try to stand up, but collapsed once again.

In fact, it's still hard to move my whole body so I just stay seated on the bed. But I can hear the conversation on the back of door.

"So what should we do with him?"

"Why we don't just leave him to the nurses?"

"But you see..."

I try to recall what had happened to me before, but nothing comes out. All I remember were shrieks of terror and a burst of red-hot flames…

How (did I get here)? What (is happening)? Where (is this place)? When (did I fell asleep since)? Why (can't I remember)?

...Who (am I)?

The door creaks open. Behind it, a boy startled when he looks at me, stunned at the moment. He's dressed in a white medieval armor that's neatly covered his whole body except his head. Finally noticed that I already woke up, he shouts out loud to the other side.

"He's awake! Rina, Rasche, he's finally awake!" The door opened wide as the boy comes in. His face contains an expression full of relief.

"Is that true? Thank goodness..." Now could be heard another voice, which I assume from a young girl. A moment later, appears the girl with red beret in her head, wearing brown vest with ...um, a short shirt that barely covers the midriff.

"Wow, such a lucky guy you are." This time another guy, a red-haired man with black armor standing beside the girl.

"Welcome to Royal Carnava, the largest and most trusted capital in this Carnava Region."

Carnava? I never hear of anything like that before. Where is this?

With my head still feels fuzzy, I try to recollect my memories. But no matter how I try, I can't remember a thing except the big fire earlier.

I try to stand up once again, feeling depressed. "Sorry to make you all worry - Ugh!" But with all the numbness, my body falls. Hands of these people catch me from nearly tumbling to the floor.

"Ahh, careful! You're still not fully healed yet." the girl's face look worried.

"Can you tell us your name?" The redhead called 'Rasche' earlier asks me with curiosity as they slowly put me again on the bed.

"I'm..."

A flash. So many faces I don't know. Then suddenly my head is filled with one word, which I assume is my name.

_Do not forget._

"...Shirou."

"Shirou? That's an uncommon name here. Where are you from, Shirou?" The first white-armored one lean closer to me as they release my body.

Where... When I started to think about it, my temples began to throb slightly.

"... I... can't remember..."

"Huh!?" Those three shout at the same time.

"Whoa... you couldn't have..." The red-haired guy called 'Rasche' seems a bit loss at my answer. "Do you remember anything? At all? At least you remember your name right?"

"Could it be... amnesia?" said the boy, not so sure about it.

"Probably, I wonder what caused it..." The 'Rina' girl puts her hand to chin, most likely thinking about something.

"I do remember... facts general things most people know, but specifics... like my real name, age, where I'm from... or even where I am... is blank."

"Eh?"

"...Yes. Like... like an empty canvas, I guess." I answered.

I want to ask something, but my throat is still a bit dry. My voice finally comes out after many attempts of test. "...What happened to me?"

For a next few minutes, the three of them explain how they found me in detail.

"Simply put, we found you passed out on the town's gate. You have so many injuries, blood loss and broken bones all over the body, probably critical enough that most people would die afterwards." The white armor boy finishes his explanation. "It's a miracle you're still alive and well right now."

"Did you get attacked by Howl Beasts on a way here?"

"Howl... Beasts?"

"You know, it's black animal-like demons with spears and scythes that mercilessly kill humans with no reason. We're currently at war with them since 16 years ago, when they suddenly popped up everywhere to the cities.

I grimace slightly at the image. Is it that bad? But yeah, considering my condition, it's quite possible. I lost the track of time as well. So I asked them,

"How long I've been here?"

"You've slept here for at least three days straight." The black-clad armor guy replied.

Three... days... or maybe even longer...

A sense of something not being right gnaws at my mind. No, it's something closer to a sense of loss. I feel that I have lost the bulk of my existence. A big gaping hole in my heart that can't be covered.

"What... should I do...?" I decide to ask them. Not knowing who I am or where this is, I feel like I should've do something at least, to relieve me of this lost sense.

"Well, until your memory returns and your body recovers... Why don't you stay here?"

I frowned for a bit from the aching pain in my head. "Is that okay?"

"Of course." An unknown voice suddenly appeared from behind them. "You could stay here as much as you like. This is the Knight's Training Academy Hospital after all. All people who badly injured gains utmost attention here." What come afterwards is a tall man with red hair tied into ponytail, plus moustache and beard in his face. He wears a knight attire just like two men before, the difference only its colored azure blue and has an emblem in the chest.

"Uncle!/Dad!/Old Man!" Those three stands up in unison and salutes at the newcomer. Except for the red-haired guy.

"No need to be so formal, this is not in the academy. And how many times I told you to call me Dad!" He smacked Rasche's head after delivering those speech. Roland and Rina laughs, while Rasche rubbing the back of his head from pain. The mood suddenly becomes clearer. Me? I'm just dumbfounded at the whole thing.

"Furthermore, didn't you three introduce yourself to this young man?"

"Ah, we almost forgot!" The girl knock her head sheepishly with her hand, blushing.

"I am Stan, a Captain from Carnava Royal Guards, though it's in the title only. Now I'm already retired and work as a Training Instructor at the Carnava Knight Training Academy here." The tall man introduced himself with. "They're my sons and niece." He pointed his hand to the three squire I talked to just before.

The one who called at me first, the boy who wears a white armor steps forward. "I'm Roland, son of Stan. Currently a knight-in-training on the academy."

"I'm Rasche, Roland's older brother. A knight-in-training, as well." The black armored one beside him say his name.

"I'm Rina!" the Beret girl says with a happy face.

"Nice to meet you all." I bow my head to all of them. They seem baffled by my politeness, but they bowed back at me.

"I see that you all already visited this young fellas. What a relief," Another man with white cape come inside the room. He brought lots of things which I presume are medical tools.

"Doctor, what's his condition?" Stan asks the man in white that's called a 'doctor'. The doctor then looks at me from head to feet, probably analyzing my current state. Then he smiled.

"Your memories may return over time. And I suppose that you can go back home tomorrow" the doctor says, handing me a bag of things and removing some reddened bandages that dried of blood from my body.

"Home?" Currently speaking, I don't remember anything about my home. But one thing is clear. This is not my home. No, maybe I'm not from this region or even this world to begin with. Judging from my appearance, they must be thinking that I'm some sort of very strange foreigner.

"Say, Shirou," Roland says something after sometime, "Why don't you just live with us, in the training academy? We'll show you around the city if you want."

"Hrm, a good idea indeed." Stan nod, agreeing with Roland. Behind him, Rasche and Rina staring at me with such curiosity.

But I was not one of them. That much I know. I don't want people to worry about me, or rather, I'd like to help them instead.

"Do you... trust me? Even if I don't know who or what I am?"

"Of course. We don't know what your past is, but you seem like a good guy." Roland nodded, followed by the others around him.

I'm thankful of their concern, but I digress. They're too kind for their own good, I don't want to betray their trust.

And there's still something missing. I don't know what that is, but I have to confirm it.

"No... I think... I should look around on my own for a little while, and see if I can remember something," I tell them. Then I see faces of disappoinment around me. "Ah sorry, it's not like I dismiss your kindness. It's just..."

"Just?"

"I just need some time by myself to sort everything out..."

"Oh, okay. Please take your time. If you need anything, you simply need to ask us. And the Knight Center is not far from here, you can go straight out even without doctor or nurse here telling you. Is that all right?" Stan pointed his finger outside the window beside mine, and I see a big construction consisted of grey blocks. I nod my head in return.

As they all wave their hands at me and leave the room, I open up the bag that doctor handed earlier, suspect that in it is my things that I have. Let's see... a black trench-coat, white and blue sleeved shirt, red scarf and- eh?

What's this...? A stuffed animal or some sort. Now that I think about it, seems like I've seen this somewhere before. A cat, perhaps? Or maybe a ...

Still confused, I grab the doll and shake it gently, trying to remember if there was something...

And suddenly.

A white flash. A silhouette of a petite girl holding some kind of baby lion, happily rubbing her cheek against it. I can't see her face because somehow it's blurry. But I can feel nostalgia in this scene, a kind warmness that filled the atmosphere.

Then it suddenly disappeared, and I see the stuffed lion in my hand once again. Once, twice, I blink my eyes to see if it was real.

Was that... an illusion?

_*CLANG*_

Something falls to the floor from the back of stuffed animal, make a small sound. Sighing, I pick it up and hold it in my hand. What I see is...

"This..."

A red, heart-shaped jewel pendant. And a red ribbon tied to it in crossed mark.

As I stared hard into the thing and trying to remember anything from my past, a familiar feeling lurked inside me. Vivid memories starting to come inside my head.

That sky, the smell of the burning air, the surrounding wall of fire…

And suddenly I feel sick to my stomach though it don't last long. But I hold the stuffed animal that's still on my hand tight to my chest.

Then a nurse with white long hat comes to my room, opening the door. "Helloo! Glad to see you awake mister pa-"

When she looks at my direction, she's surprised to the point that she hurriedly comes to my side, checking my body carefully one by one. Of course I'm flabbergasted by the sudden reaction, nearly fell out from my bed.

"Ah, mister patient! Are you hurting somewhere? Is there something wrong with your body?"

"Not at all, just a bit tired" I answer honestly. The pain in my stomach already flutters out like butterfly. "Why?"

She doesn't even need to answer. Taking out a clean white towel, she wipes my face. It's wet.

Now I understand what she meant. My eyes were burning when I first rummaging through the bag especially when I found out that stuffed animal. I didn't think I cry nor I feel sad.

But somehow, my tears won't stop even till now.

_Do not_ _forget_. A simple three words stuck in my head from when I was awake.

"Nurse, can I ask something?" Gathering up my courage, I reluctantly ask her what I need to know. What is really important to me. Two phrases I should not know, but etched in my mind so deeply that I remembered it like instinct.

"What is it?" After checking my conditions and deem that there's nothing wrong with me, the nurse prepares herself to go to her next patient. My question stopped her from leaving the room for a while.

"Do you know anything about 'The Holy Grail'?"

**=[xxx]=**

_-__ I'm dreaming._

_Before, I always been dreaming of become a Mage Queen, a witch that goes around saving people everywhere and carving my own name at the annals of history like some idiot. But this time, it is different._

_In this dream, there was a boy who wanted to be a hero._

_It's not like he wanted something. __If anything, he was the kind of guy that could not put up with anything. He cannot put up with having people cry around him. He cannot put up with having people get hurt around him. He cannot put up with having people die around him. That's the only reason he had. And for that reason only, he tried to help everybody in his sight, to be a hero that everybody needs. That's all that he had in his mind._

_He was clumsy, and it made you worry if you were looking at him. But he would accomplish it in the end, and I think he changed a lot of people's lives. I'm sure his life was a happy one. His clumsy battle was not meaningless, because he was able to save people proportional to how much he got hurt and how many times he faced death. Completely disregarding his own self, he brought joy and happiness for people that he saved, and in return it made him happy too._

_He understands his own powers and the extent of the world. He accepts what can be saved and what cannot be saved. That's why he wanted at least the people in his sight to be happy. A lot of people called it hypocrisy. Many despised it as an extreme value. __The boy with the big dreams who always smiled and tried again no matter what circumstances might befall him.__ The way he silently pursued his ideal was something he should've been proud of. He never reveal his intentions to anyone, he just kept it to himself even after he become a hero and was burdened by many things. _

_But it also brought him too many painful memories._

_One thing after another, tragedy just following suit like it fell in love at the first sight. It completely attached to him and never let go._

_He had friends, he had a lover, yet he lost all of them._

_He had no place to go. He was burdened with many voices of resentment, but still kept fighting. He knew of his fate, but he acted like he tried to perform "miracles" using his fate as a support. Never once he thought of ever gave up the ideal._

_However, a savior is nothing but nuisance for the people that aren't getting saved._

_He have lost so many, so many lives escaped through his fingers as he desperately sought to save them. So many have died because he failed. So many have died because they were associated with him. He was no longer regarded a hero, he was a killer, murderer, bringer of death and many more. He brought nothing but pain and misery to those around him._

_For every one he saved ten people died. For every ten he saved a hundred died. For every hundred he saved a thousand died._

_A boy who didn't want to see anyone cry, could only see crying humans forever. _

_In the end, he shut the feeling on his heart each time, sealed each and every feelings and memories so that he would never think about them. Eventually, he became used to it._

_He became a sword._

_Yes, he IS a sword. A sword never has doubts in itself about its roles and very purposes. _

_'I will save everyone!' the boy always thought to himself again and again and again, with a smile forming on his face. He thought he had to live for even a second longer for those who died without being able do anything in his place. He would gladly offer his life without a second thought if it means to save someone. He believed that would be his own sincerity because..._

_... he believed that he couldn't do anything, despite everything he did._

_He's a hero everybody needs, and yet he's a hero nobody knows._

_Little did I know, that even from the very beginning ..._

_... the boy was already **broken**._

_...  
_

"-thea? Althea?! ALTHEA!"

I jolt awake with a loud gasp, sitting bolt upright in my bed, my heart pounding, hair plastered to my forehead in sweat that covered my whole body. The sheets I'm tangled in feel like they're suffocating me, holding me in place, and I almost have a full-blown panic attack.

I look around my surroundings, and I realize that I'm in my own room at the dormitory. A hand grips my shoulder tight and gently shakes it.

"D-Dia... sama... ?"

In front of me is a blonde-haired woman. Her name is Dia, the director at Magic School of Rev where I studied and also teaching there. She's a friend of my sister and because of her I can stay in this dormitory, not to mention she looks after me all the time. Her face says is deeply concerned about my state right now.

"Don't you remember?" Dia sighs. "You collapsed _again_ earlier from the fever when I was teaching, and when I checked at room to see if you're still sleeping, you suddenly shrieked loud in your sleep." Then she said with soft , gentle voice unlike how she usually behaves at public "Are you alright? Does anything hurt?"

I shake my head, but the tears begin to fall from both my eyes. She embraces me silently and I lay my head on her shoulders, let my feelings all out with each drip of water.

"Doctor, please. The usual medicine." She says to the doctor at the front door, and the doctor leaves to grab them. "Shhh, it's alright. I'm here." But I just continue sobbing. Many question filled my mind at the time.

Who was that boy in my dream?

Why does he keep fighting alone for his ideal, despite being unrewarded and betrayed over and over again?

And...

How come... how come he dismissed his own life like it was nothing?

Idiot. If anything, he's definitely the biggest idiot I've ever seen in my whole life. Nobody sane would do things without any reward whatsoever. Yet, even with that said, I cannot blame him. I just can't.

Because...

This person... he's just like me...

* * *

**Author's** **Notes**:

And there! After so long a vacation of not doing anything worthwhile in two full months (not even write a snippet and omakes) I'm finally back with a (not so) new idea of Fate/stay night crossover! Whee!

...

*sighs deeply*

You probably noticed it already, that I was inspired by "The Hill of Swords" by our famous man gabriel blessing, yeah sue me. And would you believe me that it took TWO YEARS to finally publish this idea from a rough snippet? I guess I'm still a shitty writer like that. Xp

By the way, I rewrote this first chapter several times by listening to "_Aozora_" from _May'n_, it kinda fit with the atmosphere and the lyrics made me know the FEELS. Huh? You don't know the song? It's the ending song of _BTOOOM!_ anime that just finished recently. Just search it on mister Google or Youtube.

Weeaboo as it was, I refused to use the whole official Atlus translation of LA2 which seemed like a 4kids translation, and dub- OH MY GOD THE ENGLISH DUB (I _did_ play both version of the games, just so you know). It's smply put, so... **horror**. I apologize in that regard, but most of the terms I used in this fic wouldn't be very different from the original meaning in Japanese version [like "Beast Fiend" changed to "Howl Beast" etc., (a bit more philosophic IMO)]. I hope you all understand that localization is sometimes just so terrible personally, then again it depends on your particular taste.

Give me some reviews to point out what I could have done better, point out any grammar or spelling mistakes to help me not make them again. Any comments would be greatly appreciated, except flames and trolls which would be ignored. Usual drills, really. If you want to share your ideas or just want to flesh out your critics in more detail, simply PM me. After all, sharing is caring right?

...Why this section suddenly became a random rant of mine, anyway? Must be the bad influence of recent popular authors... *Shifts the blame to somebody else*

Anyway, thanks for reading and hope you enjoy it!


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